how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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