we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize