I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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