i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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