organizing the empties. That sober.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
