What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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