You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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