It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
