I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
