i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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