I bet he comes in French.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
