also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
