I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
