I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
