peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
