So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
