Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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