sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
