imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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