I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If I die, sorry about rent.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
