Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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