i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Best friends brother. Beat that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
