So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
