bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
