I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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