tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
