did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
