I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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