ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
