Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize