If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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