Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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