is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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