i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize