I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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