apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize