That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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