hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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