Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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