Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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