So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
is it fun? or sober?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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