elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
