just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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