I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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