He is such a slut. More and more my type.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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