Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
