she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
