Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
