i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
