her vagina looked like bernie madoff
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
