Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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