Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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