I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
