you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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