i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
