hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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