Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
