What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
They took my balls.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
