Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
