Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
