let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
