I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
PANTIES FOUND
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