I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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