Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
