oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Four minutes until I can fart!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize