Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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