The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he high fived his dick after we had sex
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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