I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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