i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize