dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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