I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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