Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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