I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
