I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
