when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
