the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize