trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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