Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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