dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
