I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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