Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
